If like me you were not told anything at the hospital as well had a never ending stream of conflicting advise from Dr. Google, then you might find this useful. I have to say this is my personal perception from what I found of use in the weeks leading up to the birth as well those first few months. This is coming from a new 30 something mom in 2020, who is exclusively breastfeeding, in Canada; its specific and does not cover anything related to formula, dealing with multiples, siblings, etc. and is not professional advise. Just some tidbits I wish I knew earlier as a first time mom. In my drug induced state at the hospital I forgot to ask, or perhaps they didn’t care to tell us much of anything to avoid taking on any liability, so this was mainly as roll-with-it situation.
Before Baby (Days or weeks leading up to baby):
1. Preparation before the Babe arrives. The bonus item goes at the top as your little baby is still cozy in your tummy, waiting patiently to make his or her world debut. This is the perfect time to get all your ducks in a row as they say. Have you assembled the sleeping area? This at minimum should mean the bassinet or co sleeper, if not the crib in a separate room. As for clothes, if you bought multiple sizes, separate by size and also type – Newborn only, 0-3, 3-6 etc. Have many footed onsies vs pants, shirts, sweaters. Get plenty of sleeper onsies and not as many day time clothes. Make a separate area for diaper changes that includes a barrier cream, change table, diapers and a light. Newborns don’t need many toys.
2. Packing a Hospital Bag. I’ll make it simple. Pjs for your 2-3 day stay, slippers, nipple creme (I used my 100% Pure Argan oil), your own soap and shampoo, pillow, extra blanket, snacks, wipes, music on your phone. Baby outfits, hat, gloves and booties, toothbrush, toothpaste, and lots of bottled water. They never seem to bring enough. Its probably rude to keep asking after the 5th or so time.
3. Birth plan. My plan was for baby to come out safely. I dont much believe in these as things can and do change. You cannot stay rigid on your plan because the most important thing is that baby and mom are alive and well. You can make loose plan, but stay flexible to change.
Are you doing a home or hospital birth, for example? If its at the hospital, plan for huge parking costs, and discuss with your gyno/midwife in advance if you will want a private room. A lot of employers in Canada cover this, and your S.O. can stay in the room with you. Otherwise prepare yourself for a stay with at least one other new mom, if not 2 (and for the fact that your partner will not be able to stay overnight). I don’t like small chat nor listening to strangers snoring, so a private room was important to me.
Also, do you have a scheduled C section? Or do you want to do a natural birth? I did! But It didn’t happen. Last minute my baby flipped to breech and got one leg stuck you-know-where. A footling they called it. (I imagine he was dancing like he does now, with a little leg kick to the side when he gets excited!); so we needed to do an emergency c section. This was one thing I wanted to avoid at all costs but really had no choice in the end. Murphy, your law was in action that day. In my head I also liked the idea of a home water birth, but so many factors led me to go to a hospital. I needed to have the Rhogham injection, which is only distributed at the hospital since its a blood product. Its to prevent my body from attacking future pregnancies, because blood soldiers course my veins. Im a special alien like that. And what if baby goes breach? Will you deliver baby backwards at home and potentially suffocate them, with your crotch? What if baby doesn’t gain sufficient weight? What if you feel unwell? My blood pressure dipped below 30 and Im pretty sure I almost died. They ran 5 billion tests and drained me dry of blood. It wasn’t fun and they couldn’t find anything wrong. Even had a Dr. House like guy take a look into the anomaly but all they could come up with is that its ‘unidentifiable’. Rage. I need answers.
Also, if baby has had his first bowel movement call meconium before coming out (baby pooped inside you, haha!), this can become toxic to baby and mom, so it’s a more pressing reason to get baby out asap. Ahem. Yes it happens.
4. Labour. This wasn’t the most horrific experience in the world as may be eluded to in a lot of Hollywood movies. Its painful, but at least the contractions come and go. I used my yoga ball to ease the pain before heading to the hospital, but beware that your water may break with meconium in it if you bounce the baby around too much! When arriving to the birthing unit, you’re made to wait in a waiting room. In full labour, because that makes sense. I had another woman beside me who was making donkey noises and really irritating all my nerves, especially when she was taken in ahead of me. About the pain, everyone is different here so all I can say, for myself, is that it’s only almost unbearable near the very end when baby is ready to come out. The pain intensifies until then. If you’re high risk for any reason, which may include age, position of baby, gestational diabetes, previous c section or other reasons determined by your doctor, you may not have much choice in how baby comes out.
5. Surgery. If you have to go for an emergency c section, you will be rushed into the operating room and will stay awake while the anesthesiologist stabs you with an epidural, so that they may cut through 7 layers of tissue to take baby out. Its a gigantic needle that if placed incorrectly can cause serious damage. I have no idea why some Instagram moms believe surgery is the easy way out; the recovery took months. I felt like a broken down golf cart for a solid 2 months, and the muscle is still ravaged for life. As for baby, you can ask about the baby’s general Apgar score (initial health on a scale from 1-9), but unless you insist, they will probably cut the umbilical cord for you. Chances of getting your gyno as the operating doctor are slim as they work on rotation. I happened to get mine, and she was also 9 months pregnant at the time. That made me nervous. Like what if she goes into labour mid slice? Is she going on mat leave or…
After Birth (days 1-4):
6. Hospital Experience in Canada. Its like jail because they tag you and baby with a bracelet so you can’t go anywhere outside of the floor you’re on. And better if you stay in your room, otherwise you will be approached by someone asking what you’re doing or where you’re going. This was pre Covid too. Wonder what its like now. You’ll probably be met with a water cannon outside your door. The nurses are usually very nice and can help you, so be nice to them. They can also be prickly pears because they have rules to follow. Hospital food is as gross as literal pig sties but they will feed you 3 slop buckets a day. The drugs they give you are nice. And if you have a private room it is so much better. Most hospitals have very nice private birthing rooms whether or not the recovery room is private. They will run all kinds of tests on both you and baby, won’t really explain what they are doing but its to ensure there are no complications. I thought it was overkill to draw blood from my baby and I was not happy about a jaundice test when baby clearly wasn’t yellow. The fact that you don’t really have a choice irked me. They are also testing for drugs and alcohol in your baby’s system.
7. Health Card and SIN. They will issue you a temporary health card at the hospital so make sure to get it before you leave, as you will need it for your first doctor visit or follow up a few days later. You can then register your baby’s birth in order to get their SIN number, and later in Ontario, for the child benefits. Don’t forget to get this done at the hospital as it is not done automatically and you will have a harder time doing later. Government wait lines and such. Any slower and you’d be going back in time.
8. Breastfeeding. Im not here to judge and in my opinion all that is important is that your little one is fed. End of story. Kinda. I’m relaying my experience in the hopes that it helps anyone who wants to breastfeed exclusively and aren’t sure how. Some may find combination feeding less tiring, and if the milk doesn’t flow, you’ll have to supplement with formula anyway. Others want to move straight to formula in order to have more free time or loose weight quicker. There is no shame in any of it.
That said, I’m in the breast is best camp. (I repeat! NO JUDGEMENTS to other peoples choices). It’s tiring but it gets easier, and its a short season in one’s life where you really get a chance to bond with your baby in a way that you will never get to do again afterwards. The offspring you created! Wow! There it is on your teet, just like in the animal kingdom. haha! The neurochemicals released are so amazing for both mom and baby. The way I remembered to latch properly is to do “nose to nipple”. So boop the nose with your nipple and then slip it in the mouth from the bottom to top of aereola (getting so scientific now aren’t I?), ensuring he gets a mouthful and not just a nipple pinch. Both of you are learning so be patient with yourself and your babe, its ok not to get it right away…But close to right away would be good because otherwise your babe grows hungrier and thus more fussy, leading to tears and possible scream-crying on both ends. Not everyone will agree but I think its ok to put a little pressure on yourself in order to avoid a nuclear meltdown. Think ‘Yes, you need to feed baby and you have no other choice but to get this right’. Worked for me but maybe my brain is a little warped.
Nurses will help the first few times, and some hospitals also have a breastfeeding class that is 1-on-1, which can be a big help if your confidence isn’t fully there with the technique. They can guide you on ‘hand expressing’ for example, which is when you press down and out with your thumb and forefinger. Or you learn how to massage the boob in order to stimulate colostrum and later, milk production. Just squishing it will not suffice.
Interesting tidbit, breastmilk is magical because If your baby is sick your body will know to produce the appropriate cocktail of antibodies to heal them, and if you are sick your baby gets nutrients to prevent them from getting sick. It is filled with all the nutrients your baby needs to grow and optimize their immune system for life.
9. Leaving hospital. Freedom at last! Expect horribly swollen feet if you’ve had a c section. Or was that just me? I felt like a sasquatch hobbling out of the swamp trying to get to the car. Make sure babe is packed in the car seat properly before leaving. They don’t show you how to do this properly at the hospital anymore incase anything happens, so you’re on your own. Also ensure your car seat is fastened properly to the car in advance. If you want to triple check, fire stations or police officers can check how you’ve installed it. Bring a cover and blanket for the car seat because it may be cold out. Bring a pillow to press down onto your stomach if you’ve had a c section. The speed bumps and potholes on the road hurt like hell. I do recall reminding my dear husband several times in the car ride home because 10km an hour was just too fast. And by reminding I mean asking if he is trying to kill me. Crying. Yelling. Sarcasm. The whole shabang.
10. Dr visit. You will see your family doctor or pediatrician within the first few days in Canada, to ensure your baby is gaining weight, to check for abnormalities and that baby is healthy. If you already weighed your baby and checked their temperature at home, instead of waiting for days agonizing about their health, kudos to you. Especially true of breastfed babies where you don’t know how many mL baby is intaking exactly. I hadn’t purchased a scale until weeks later and I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me to do it earlier. The doctor will also check with mom about PPD which some women experience. Keep in mind hormones are re regulating and some are crashing back down to zero (hcg), so you will not feel like your old self again just yet. This doesn’t necessarily mean you are in depression territory. Im staying out of it, talk about it with your doc. Or just give it a hot minute.
11. Nipple pain & Stretch marks. Some women get stretch marks only after they deflate and are no longer pregnant. Im crying inside since this was me. But as I update this 15 month after the initial intended publishing date (procrastination problems anyone? Guilty), I can say they did go away for me. I used my trusty Argan Oil and I’m happy with the recuperation to my skins’ elasticity. There are many tremendous benefits and uses of pure Argan oil for mom & baby, amongst them being that they prevent blocked ducts, heal sore, dry or cracked nipples, and is safe if baby ingests a residual amount. I generously applied it to my mine and baby’s body everyday. Still do in fact!
Bonus. Love. Last and most importantly – L-O-V-E. Some people don’t feel it right away and thats ok. Some do. You might feel a euphoric high for the first few days. I can’t describe it but its in my heart forever. And then it changes to a deep seeded love in your gut. And it continues to grow over time. Go have babies. Its good for you.